This is an entry wherein I share a side of myself I'm still getting to know.

I've always felt affinities with the fae and animal worlds and have come to discover that, in certain instances, there is more than a simple affinity. There is something shared that goes well beyond mere interest. I am a combination of several and various influxes and confluences of character and being. I am made up, in part, of pixie, cat, fox, snake, crow and bear, but in a liminal, wavering, sometimes definite, sometimes echoed sort of way. These are not distinct personalities, but rather different sorts of energy that comes upon me in unpredictable waves of influence.

Unlike with others who experience this sort of thing, I do not have invisible wings or a tail. I have neither fur nor feathers nor scales. I am me-sized, always, which is to say that I always feel a little bigger on the inside than I am on the outside. I fortet that I have arrived in this world in a rather petite package. I make up for it in personality, which I am pleased to say that I have in abundance. *grins*

Sometimes I feel the need to use my fingers and nails like claws, though they are always fingers and nails to my mind, never transforming into cat, fox or bear claws. And sometimes I feel the prodding, desperate need to bite flesh, but my teeth always feel like human teeth. No presence of long canines to speak of. Yes, I realise that many of you may also feel the need to claw and bite, for instance, in sexual or combative circumstances. I do, too. But, at least with the biting, sometimes it's something that just needs to be done. A bit of exposed flesh just waiting to be bitten, a vulnerability that needs to be attacked and savoured with relish in neither a malicious nor a sexual way. It feels more like marking territory. It is not the marks left, but the act of biting itself, from which I feel such immense satisfaction.

When I am more in tune with pixie energy, I feel bright and shiny: like my aura and soul suddenly become more saturated and sparkly. The whole world glitters with a possibility that I don't normally see. Everything is random mais à la fois completely interconnected, like multicoloured dyed fabric. I am highly distractable and rarely finish sentences all in one go. Pixie-me likes absurdity: unexpectedly sticking cheetoes up your nose, for instance. Pixie-me stared in absolute wonder at a caterpillar one afternoon, and sang the teapot song loudly and purposefully off-key while walking through the halls of my high school after classes. For me, pixie energy combines superbly with fox energy, and it's difficult to tell them apart.

Fox I'm still trying to get a handle on. Fox is also totem; fox is fae; fox is native, fox is red, like spreading fire. Not angry, but bright like pixie and full of energy. Fox-me loves to bite. Bite bite bite, nip nip nip! She can be ever so jaunty and prancy. Fox is also white: solitary and contemplative. She comes from without and from within, guiding me and infusing me with energy and inspiration.

Both pixie and fox like sing-saying the la la la! song, which is random in tune from one sing-saying to the next and has no other words but la la la. They delight in the world around them and love playing the fool to bring cheer and smiles to others. (As an aside, It is easier to refer to these aspects of myself in the third person, even though they are all me.)

Crow-me is moodier, discriminating, tricksy -- but not in the same way as pixie or fox -- more sarcastic and caustic. Crow observes. She watches people and things with great interest, taking note of this or that. Predatory, but sometimes playful. Laughing always...at ironies, at the expense of others, at the wonder of the world itself. Crow smirks a lot. She is gruesome, has no problems with the notions of pecking out eyeballs or tearing flesh to get at the scrumptious gooey innards, metaphorically or otherwise. I suppose this is why I quite like the movie The Birds. It's never scared me; in fact, I've always cheered for the birds. Go figure... *grin* Crow-me is thorough. She pecks insistently and incessantly, little by little, until the job is done.

Cat-me is lazy, sun-seeking, and nap-taking. She is also discriminating, but in a regal and noble fashion. Cat is refined, aristocratic, polite. She is seen and not heard, and she can eviscerate you with her claws if you cross her. In anger, she turns from an articulate creature into a snarling beast, ready to lash out and rip her victims to shreds.

Cat-me is also quirky, idiosyncratic, sassy, and smart. Curious and investigative. And yes, if you dangle things in front of my face, I will try to grab for them. Lynna and Nikos can both attest to this. And I do it not because it's what I know a cat would do, but because it's String! And it's Dangling in front of my Face! I Must CATCH IT! It feels instinctual and intensely difficult to ignore.

Snake-me is the most intellectual of all the aspects. Wise, cold, calculating, discriminating in a way that seems hideously critical but which feels like mere observation from her perspective. Snake is persistent, determined, single-minded, utterly focused: ever searching, ever hunting for prey -- bits and bites of information to be consumed and digested. She is a devourer of ideas, feelings, sensations.

Snake-me is a boa constrictor. Earthy brown camouflage, sensual, warmth-seeking. She is temptress: calculated in her approach, but also focused entirely on the intensity of skin-on-skin contact, breath mingled with breath, limbs entwined. Tenuous, writhesome, enchanting.

Snake-me is complex: cold and distant; warm and ever-present. Evil, biting wit, tempered with ardent concerned passion. Snake-me is intense.

Bear-me is maternal, brown-earth-solid, caring and compassionate. A force to be reckoned with, where loved ones and home are concerned. Fiercely protective, defensive, and yet envelopping. Effusively warm, gregarious, but private. Bear-me likes to hibernate in my home with my loves around me.

With regard to how these energies manifest in a sensual and/ or sexual setting, it is all quite varied: Bear likes to cuddle, snuggle, and burrow; she's all about comfort. Pixie's insane; she likes pervertibles -- using them more than having them used on her. Fox is a brat, bottoming from the top. Cat is a switch, through and through. Snake is a seductress through and through. She sees what she wants and she goes after it, persuing it until she is successful and sated. Crow is visceral, black, hardcore energy. Sensualized/sexualized crow energy is the most foreign to me. The rest come and go with relative frequency.

I have affinities with a great number of creatures; however, these six seem not only to speak to my innermost soul but also seem to be part of me, interwoven with my own self. As I mentioned before, they are not distinct personalities. They are a collection of distinct characteristics that coalesce into particular types of energies, which correspond to the aforementioned animal archetypes. They make up a large part of my own personality, which is no more and no less complex than your personality.

As for terminology, I do not call myself therian because I do not "shift" mentally into animal form. Archetype? yes. Form? no. I do not call myself Otherkin because I do not believe myself to be a pixie. I have oodles of pixie energy, but I'm also quite human with a smattering of energies from 5 other creature-types. This would be yet another reason why I prefer the term queer. I'm just weird. However, that doesn't mean I'm ok with being summarily dismissed, so please be respectful.